You would hope that with the kind of weather we’re having in New York right now (it’s so bad it reminds me of summer in Scotland) the tourists would have the good taste to keep off the streets. Unfortunately, they never seem to learn that they could make those of us who live here and have to manoeuvre around them to get from A to B much happier if they simply got out of our way.
I’ve decided to recommend to Hizzoner the Mayor that tourist lanes and tourist containment areas be introduced in particular in Midtown and especially the Theatre District. Minimum speed limits, no wide loads, single file… you get the idea. As an accompaniment to this I’m forming myself into a Tourist Exclusion Zone (TEZ). During inclement weather, tourists will find that they get rather wet (especially if a gaggle of them is parked under a canopy) if they get too close to me, as I shall be tipping my umbrella to remove the excess rainwater, and if a tourist happens to be in the way of the water as it falls to the ground, that’s just too bad. I was practicing that technique on 8th Avenue today. You should try it. It could catch on.
If the ideas above aren’t effective I want the use of cattle prods by New York City residents on tourists to be made legal, if not compulsory.
Note: the writer makes his living from tourism.
26 October 2005
21 October 2005
Patience
I’ve not been visible for a couple of days because (a) I have a nasty cold, and (b) I’m on the phone night and day to those Sharper Image delivery people demanding to know where my Piers’s new massage chair is. While he’s hiking in Peru, I’m looking after the manse, just to make sure that my his wide-screen, high density digital television system and DVR are fully functional. He was kind enough to order a new massage chair for me to keep me amused while he’s gone, and put me in charge of receiving it, so I’ve taken a couple of days off work just in case they call my cell phone to arrange early delivery. You can’t be too careful, I say! I know full well that it’s not scheduled (that’s pronounced SHED-yooled) to arrive till next week and that’s what’s really making me sick. I may have to have it accidentally-on-purpose delivered to a certain apartment on West 56th Street.
19 October 2005
One step at a time
Last night, at one of those support groups for people addicted to Internets, I came out publicly and admitted my problem: I commit random acts of mindless bloggery. It all happened at Bar Rage. Famous Author Rob Byrnes was there, surrounded by his adoring public and this guy. I’m delighted to report that my avid and regular reader was present, and I had the pleasure of meeting such fantabulous wits as Patrick, whom I kept calling Jeffrey, MAK, and Bob.
13 October 2005
Mrs T - The Country's Cuppa
Today I send warmest birthday greetings and best wishes to Margaret Thatcher, former British Prime Minister and Leader of the Conservative Party. I had the privilege of meeting her several times during her premiership.
She led the Conservative Party from 1975 to 1990 and was victorious in three general elections. Mrs Thatcher served as Prime Minister from 1979 to 1990, during which time she transformed the political and economic landscape of the United Kingdom and arguably the world. It was an exciting time to be involved in politics and her influence on my views was profound.
The Lady, as she is known, was not defeated by the British electorate. She left office during a party leadership election in which only Conservative MPs could vote. She won an overall majority in that election; unfortunately the rules required her to have more than just an overall majority. Churchill once said a majority of one vote was enough. In Maragaret Thatcher’s case it was not. In her final speech in the House of Commons as Prime Minister, she spoke in a debate on a no confidence motion, wiped the floor with the opposition, and showed her best mettle when under a barrage of heckling by the opposition declared, “I’m enjoying this!” to resounding cheers from her side of the House. At that moment many Members of Parliament and the public at large recognised that a great woman had been brought down by small men.
The Conservative Party today is going through yet another leadership election searching for someone to replace the irreplaceable. I’ve lost count of the number of guys they’ve had in that job since The Lady. It turns out that the last time I met Mrs T was at a reception in Perth, Scotland, and I rode home from that event with my friend Liam Fox and his Mum. We lived in the same town, and I used to show up one night a week to go campaigning with him when he ran for a seat on the local council. He and I also were Chairman and Vice-Chairman respectively of the West of Scotland Young Conservatives.
Today Dr Liam Fox MP is one of the leading candidates in the Conservative Party leadership election. I wish him well and look forward to the return to power of the Conservative Party at the next General Election. I’m sure he’ll feel right at home in Number Ten Downing Street and it’ll be nice having a friend running the country.
Baroness Thatcher, as she now is, loves the United States and has described it as the greatest country in the world. Her enthusiasm is shared by Liam Fox, who has worked hard to build the ‘Atlantic Bridge’ to foster closer ties between the UK and the US. I have a sneaking suspicion that The Lady wants the young lad from Scotland to carry her torch.
She led the Conservative Party from 1975 to 1990 and was victorious in three general elections. Mrs Thatcher served as Prime Minister from 1979 to 1990, during which time she transformed the political and economic landscape of the United Kingdom and arguably the world. It was an exciting time to be involved in politics and her influence on my views was profound.
The Lady, as she is known, was not defeated by the British electorate. She left office during a party leadership election in which only Conservative MPs could vote. She won an overall majority in that election; unfortunately the rules required her to have more than just an overall majority. Churchill once said a majority of one vote was enough. In Maragaret Thatcher’s case it was not. In her final speech in the House of Commons as Prime Minister, she spoke in a debate on a no confidence motion, wiped the floor with the opposition, and showed her best mettle when under a barrage of heckling by the opposition declared, “I’m enjoying this!” to resounding cheers from her side of the House. At that moment many Members of Parliament and the public at large recognised that a great woman had been brought down by small men.
The Conservative Party today is going through yet another leadership election searching for someone to replace the irreplaceable. I’ve lost count of the number of guys they’ve had in that job since The Lady. It turns out that the last time I met Mrs T was at a reception in Perth, Scotland, and I rode home from that event with my friend Liam Fox and his Mum. We lived in the same town, and I used to show up one night a week to go campaigning with him when he ran for a seat on the local council. He and I also were Chairman and Vice-Chairman respectively of the West of Scotland Young Conservatives.
Today Dr Liam Fox MP is one of the leading candidates in the Conservative Party leadership election. I wish him well and look forward to the return to power of the Conservative Party at the next General Election. I’m sure he’ll feel right at home in Number Ten Downing Street and it’ll be nice having a friend running the country.
Baroness Thatcher, as she now is, loves the United States and has described it as the greatest country in the world. Her enthusiasm is shared by Liam Fox, who has worked hard to build the ‘Atlantic Bridge’ to foster closer ties between the UK and the US. I have a sneaking suspicion that The Lady wants the young lad from Scotland to carry her torch.
12 October 2005
WOW!
Avid and regular readers have been wondering about my recent lack of bloggery. It’s a very long story, however, I can tell you this much: I, as the poster-child for skepticism about past-lives and all that hoo-hah, am now a convert. I had the most amazing experience of my life on Saturday during a hypnotherapy session and I’ll be sharing some of it here in the weeks and months ahead. All I’m saying right now is that the missing pieces of the jig-saw puzzle that is my life are falling into place, I know more about my soul than I could have ever imagined, I’m happier than you could believe, I know who my soulmate is, my faith is stronger than ever, and I have absolutely no fear of death. There’s so much more to say, but it’ll take time for me to process it, so be patient. And by the way, I’m not raving bonkers!
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