The Tooth Chronicles

I’m donating my head to medical research. My mouth actually. I’ve been in dental hell since a root that holds a crown fractured when I bit into a french fry. However, there is some good news: I’ve been accepted as a candidate for research on dental implants, which means that I get an implant for a fraction of the usual cost. It gets better: the research study will pay me $20 for every follow-up visit. Twenty-six visits later, I’ll be in profit. Oh, I forgot, there’s all that other dental work I’m having done. Crikey! I will never eat french fries again. Oh, who am I trying to kid?!?! I’ll never be able to afford a bag of french fries ever again.