Fire!

Avid and regular readers will recall various insanities in my office building. Things settled down for a while, but it seems that a psychotic psychic has moved into an office down the corridor. On Sunday evening I slipped into the building just to check on things (I'll bet she didn't see that in her crystal ball) because there were reports of weird comings and goings at all hours, and strange cracked-out or high types people wandering the corridors. There was a faint odour of cheap incense, and wind chimes jungled each time the psychic's office door opened and closed. The wind chimes are activitate by a lot of hot air would be my guess, and my only real fear is that Dionne Warwick will appear at any moment. Anyhoo, on with the rant...

Yesterday, there was a burning smell in our office at various times of the day but we couldn't locate the source. This afternoon I left our office suite (our main door had been closed) and was assaulted by the stench of incense. I was incensed [I couldn't resist] and went storming down the corridor bellowing, "What is that stinking smell?" The wind chimes jingled very slightly and were silenced quickly. This evening there was some sort of chanting going on. I'll be dealing with the noise pollution in due course.

Wow! The chimes just went off again. It's amazing how sounds that are meant to be soothing can seem so downright disgusting. Now, where did I put that fire extinguisher?

Who wins the toaster?

From the BBC, a fabulous report that uniformed members of the British Army and Royal Air Force have participated in the Gay Pride march in Manchester, England. It could be part of the "haven't asked, don't really care" policy that has been applied in my homeland since 2000. Oh, well, if they recruit enough youngsters younglings, somebody's bound to win a toaster.

Careful readers will have noted that the Senior Service did not participate in the festivities. Manchester does not have a harbour, apparently. Perhaps someone should remind the Royal Navy about the Manchester Ship Canal. HMS Middleton sailed up it on 10 October 2001 and photographic evidence of that great naval event can be seen here. The Manchester Ship Canal people are positively encouraging cruising in bars and other places, as can be read here.

Let's do the numbers

It is now proved beyond doubt that smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics - Knebel's Law

Almost 68% of the month of August has gone and YES the ban on DRINKING and SMOKING is still going strong on Day 21. Avid and regular readers, and members of Posh Table A have expressed surprise and delight that Piers and I have done so well this month. Some have even said that they wish they had joined us aboard the wagon. The month is not over yet; it's at a very exciting stage, especially as there are rumours of a sequel after Labor Day, which takes place in a whole new month.

Oh, dear

Those Swiss really know how to party. I'm sorry to miss this one.

Phone mystery

Who are you and why are you calling me and why are you calling me at this time?

That's what I would have been asking if I'd been awake at 12.13am last Saturday when "Jason" called twice and didn't leave a message. Hmmmmmm?!?!? Who is Jason? was my first thought. Obviously I've communicated with this mystery man because his name is in my cell phone address book. The area code is for part of Kansas. The detective work hasn't helped. And it would be too easy to call his number.

There are three people I can think of whom I know who are called Jason. None of them, to my knowledge, has my cell number. Two of them work at my favourite drinking establishment, and the third lives in Boston. There are no other Jasons that come to mind right now.

Why would he call twice? The second call may have been for his own amusement or that of a companion. That's because I am blessed with two highly amusing outgoing messages. The messages are more than outgoing, they're positively gregarious. I suppose that's why there are two of them. Regular members of Table A will know why. By the way, Jason, do give a call!


UPDATE

Mystery takes a surprising turn here.

There's a Book or a Word for It

Regular or avid readers of this bloggery (if there are such people) will know that I rarely never plug anything here. That's about to change because I have some recommendations. There's a Word for It by Charles Harrington Elster (available through Amazon.com) is a must read for lovers of words.

Today is day thirteen of NO SMOKING and NO ALCOHOL in the entire month of August for me and my friend Piers, so I thought I would dip into the wealth of words in the aforementioned book that relate to alcohol, and share a few of them with my great reading public. Other dipsomaniacs who started out on this journey with us have fallen, jumped, or been pushed off the wagon. You know who you are. It's only a month, for crying out loud. And no, it's not easy, especially when you're tackling several demons at once, but come on people! Anyhoo, back to the words:

bibulous: fond of drinking, especially excessively. That's a good one to describe me and most of my friends, especially members of Posh Table A.

capernoited: slightly intoxicated, tipsy. Interestingly, this word is Scottish and can also mean irritable and peevish. Prior to the August drinking ban, I could be capernoited most evenings at Posh Table A by 8pm. Since the self-imposed ban I've been constantly capernoited (and not in the good way, as is demonstrated in paragraph two above).

downdrins: an afternoon drinking session. A major one of these is scheduled for Thursday 1 September 2005.

xertz: to gulp down, swallow quickly and greedily. Who do we know who does that? Yes, you, you, AND YOU. You know who you are.

That's enough of those words; they're making me feel as if I have alcoholic anadipsia. Let's get back to plugging stuff.

Now that Famous Author Rob Byrnes has been elevated (?) to "celebrity gay author" status (note the lack of capital letters - hmmmmmm), I feel compelled to plug his books. So check out TRL - The Rob Log and buy his books, dammit.

Here's another plug. If you're high and have the munchies, you really need Pie in the Sky by Susan G Purdy, so that you can bake cakes, pies, cookies, breads, and pastries successfully at high altitudes. Susan is perhaps America's best baker and no kitchen should be without her latest book. I also like it because I'm mentioned not once but twice. (Does that make me a celebrity? Hmmmmm?) Buy it to find out why. Then bake some cakes and save me a slice. But don't make me have to climb ev'ry mountain or get high. It' still August after all.