I think that's what you mean

With the United Kingdom having been so prominently featured in world news recently, I've been thinking of the differences between American English and proper English and have decided to publish here my latest glossary of terms for the benefit of my reading public, especially the Britons. This may help your understanding of what Americans think they mean when they say...

American English = a bastardised version of The Queen’s English

English = British

British = of the UK except England

England = the UK except Ulster

Scotland = an island somewhere near the British Isles

sidewalk = pavement

pavement = tarmacadam

cookie = a particular kind of biscuit (definitely not McVitie)

biscuit = scone

scone = something fairly inedible resembling tarmacadam

English muffin = crumpet

muffin = a small cake

“urb” = herb

fag = not a cigarette

shop = a car repair centre

school = college or university

the holidays = the months of November and December

on vacation = on holiday

pudding = custard

take-out = take-away, or assassinate

television news = entertainment programme with topical flavour and a Hollywood slant

in-depth coverage = a news report lasting almost two minutes

exclusive = being carried by every television network and cable channel

dinner at 8.00 = 8.30 for 9.00

fashionably late = late

silverware = cutlery

hard roll = soft roll

soccer = football

football = rugby for big cissies

propane = gas

gas = petrol

gallon = less than a gallon

pint = less than a pint

trunk = boot

hood = bonnet

bonnet = glengarry

undershirt = vest

vest = waistcoat

jumper = pinafore

Pinafore = a light operetta by Gilbert and Sullivan

shorts = underpants

pants = trousers

coat = jacket

raincoat = macintosh

strep = a very sore throat

professor = lecturer

semester = term

shower = nothing to do with weather

tractor = the cab of an articulated lorry

trailer = static caravan unsuitable for towing

grass = a drug

drug = medicine

pharmacy = dispensing chemist

fries = chips

chips = crisps

sandwich = half a bird/pig/cow with a bread type product and assorted salad items - enough to feed a small African nation

Republican = similar to Conservative

Democrat = similar to Conservative or New Labour

left-wing = similar to conservative or New Labour

right-wing = very conservative

liberal = conservative or New Labour

Conservative = nothing to do with the Tories

doctor = seldom an M.D.

surgeon = doctor

veterinarian = vetinary surgeon

animal doctor = vet

impatiens = Bizzy Lizzy

geranium = pelargonium

slicker = sou’wester

city slicker = urban wise-guy

hardware store = ironmonger’s

hanging = a non-lethal form of social intercourse

quality on Channel 13 = BBC or ITV productions

prom = an event Sir Henry Wood wouldn’t be seen dead at

the city = nothing to do with the world’s financial centre

information = directory enquiries

inquire = enquire

long distance = a trunk call

we’ll be right back = frequent and lengthy breaks for adverts on telly

millionaire = half as rich as a British millionaire

billion = not nearly as much

check = cheque

check = cross

check = tick

tick = blood-sucking insect

tick-tack-toe = noughts and crosses

ticked off = cross

line = queue

line-up = identification parade

parade = march-past

garbage = rubbish

rubbish = nonsense

dump = tip

tip = honorarium

trash (vb) = ruin or destroy

trash = lower class types

step up = next, please


Please feel free to submit in good humour suggestions for additions to this glossary.


UPDATE - Friday 15 July 2005

private school = public school (Contributed by Piers. Thanks, mate.)

public school = comprehensive