The Keys

RIPPED FROM THE HEADLINES

This is a work of non-fiction. Only the spellings of the names have been changed to protect the guilty.

New York. Hell's Kitchen. Monday morning.

As the post-Pride festivities continued into the wee small hours and beyond, Pierce realised [I want no comments on the spelling of this one, FARB] that he had lost his keys. Having so many friends in the neighbourhood [oh, there's another one!], he felt sure he could at least crash somewhere nearby. Alas, no one nearby, including Bryan, was answering his phone. In desperation, at 6.13am Pierce called Marc, who lives several miles away, but also has a set of keys to Pierce's place, because he more or less lives there much of the time. Amazingly, Marc had woken up several minutes before to pour a gallon of water down his throat, having dehydrated in the hot discomfort of his non-airconditioned apartment during a brutally humid night. "I'll come and get the keys," said Pierce. Marc thought about this for less than half a second and decided that he would deliver the keys. After all, Pierce's had already lost his keys and the way thing were going he might very easily lose himself on the journey to Harlem, and it would get Marc out of the furnace that he'd been in for the previous eight hours. "I'll be there in 30 minutes," said Marc.

Meanwhile, to kill some time, Pierce sat on the front steps of his apartment building and continued to make calls. Eventually, Bryan answered, and Pierce poured out the whole sad story. "Pierce," said Bryan in his usual deadpan tone, "Do you know where I am?"

"Where?" asked Pierce.

"I'm in your apartment." [Priceless!]

A short time later Marc arrived at the building and called Pierce's phone (because the buzzer doesn't work). "Buzz me in, mate," said Marc. Pierce cracked up at this, as Marc realised that he had in his pocket his own set of keys to Pierce's apartment, and that that was the whole point of his being there. [Duh!]

The three boys laughed and laughed and laughed at the events of the morning, and still couldn't figure out how or why Bryan was in Pierce's apartment.

It could only have been funnier if Marc and Pierce had walked in to find Bryan crashed out on the sofa. It's going to make a great episode in the boys' TV sitcom.