The Broadway season is going full blast right now in the run-up to the Tony Award nominations, and I'm fortunate that through my job and the generosity of friends, I'm seeing a lot of shows, good and bad. It has struck that some people simply do not have a clue how to behave when theatre-going (I use this term because it all begins long before you arrive at the venue). So here's my guide to correct behavior.
1. Leave your home/office/restaurant/wherever in good time to get to the theatre and be seated a couple of minutes before the show is SCHEDULED to begin.
2. Have your tickets ready to hand to the usher.
3. If you want a refreshment at the intermission, ask the bar staff if you can place an order and pay for it, so that they can have it ready for you. Most theatre bars will do this.
4. Listen to the ushers and use the aisles to which they direct you.
5. As you move past people who are already seated, please say, "Excuse me", and "Thank you", as they shove their knees up to their chins while you push by.
6. Switch off your cellphone, pager and all other electronic devices on your person. Off, not 'standby' or 'vibrate'.
7. Unwrap all the candies that you may need, before the house lights go down.
8. When the house lights start to dim, stop talking.
9. If there is an overture, do not talk during it: it is part of the performance.
More of this will follow, but it's now time I left for the theatre (actually I'm having cocktails before the show) because I don't want to be one of those selfish people who causes the curtain to be raised ten minutes late.
I'm back.
10. Er... that's enough bitching for the time being. Sssshhhhh!!!!!
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