24 April 2005
There is Nothing Like a Dam!
Today's Liz Smith gossip column headline in the New York Post is priceless. Regular readers will understand why. Okay, so if you don't read this today the link will not take you to the right article, and you'll have to go searching around the New York Post's archives. Stop complaining! You've obviously got nothing better to do if you're reading this. However, it proves that you should check in with me more regularly than you have done so far, just in case I've got around to posting something as scintillating, interesting and fascinating as this obviously is, because you're still reading. Good grief! I lost interest several lines ago. You're either dedicated or obsessive - probably both, and you certainly have too much thyme on your hands. But if you're still with me I'll now give a piece of advice to would-be graphic artists, of which I'm not one. Don't ever try to paste-up a multipage document the morning after the night before, when you had too many cocktails, three hours of sleep, and didn't make it home, despite knowing that you had to be in your office at 8.00 am on a Sunday morning to carryout the task that you should have finished the day before. It's just not recommended.
20 April 2005
Theatre Etiquette
The Broadway season is going full blast right now in the run-up to the Tony Award nominations, and I'm fortunate that through my job and the generosity of friends, I'm seeing a lot of shows, good and bad. It has struck that some people simply do not have a clue how to behave when theatre-going (I use this term because it all begins long before you arrive at the venue). So here's my guide to correct behavior.
1. Leave your home/office/restaurant/wherever in good time to get to the theatre and be seated a couple of minutes before the show is SCHEDULED to begin.
2. Have your tickets ready to hand to the usher.
3. If you want a refreshment at the intermission, ask the bar staff if you can place an order and pay for it, so that they can have it ready for you. Most theatre bars will do this.
4. Listen to the ushers and use the aisles to which they direct you.
5. As you move past people who are already seated, please say, "Excuse me", and "Thank you", as they shove their knees up to their chins while you push by.
6. Switch off your cellphone, pager and all other electronic devices on your person. Off, not 'standby' or 'vibrate'.
7. Unwrap all the candies that you may need, before the house lights go down.
8. When the house lights start to dim, stop talking.
9. If there is an overture, do not talk during it: it is part of the performance.
More of this will follow, but it's now time I left for the theatre (actually I'm having cocktails before the show) because I don't want to be one of those selfish people who causes the curtain to be raised ten minutes late.
I'm back.
10. Er... that's enough bitching for the time being. Sssshhhhh!!!!!
1. Leave your home/office/restaurant/wherever in good time to get to the theatre and be seated a couple of minutes before the show is SCHEDULED to begin.
2. Have your tickets ready to hand to the usher.
3. If you want a refreshment at the intermission, ask the bar staff if you can place an order and pay for it, so that they can have it ready for you. Most theatre bars will do this.
4. Listen to the ushers and use the aisles to which they direct you.
5. As you move past people who are already seated, please say, "Excuse me", and "Thank you", as they shove their knees up to their chins while you push by.
6. Switch off your cellphone, pager and all other electronic devices on your person. Off, not 'standby' or 'vibrate'.
7. Unwrap all the candies that you may need, before the house lights go down.
8. When the house lights start to dim, stop talking.
9. If there is an overture, do not talk during it: it is part of the performance.
More of this will follow, but it's now time I left for the theatre (actually I'm having cocktails before the show) because I don't want to be one of those selfish people who causes the curtain to be raised ten minutes late.
I'm back.
10. Er... that's enough bitching for the time being. Sssshhhhh!!!!!
13 April 2005
Kat Konspiracy
Avid readers of this blog will recall my aversion to "Lloyd Andrew Sir Lord-Webber" and his feline abomination that I mentioned in Annoyances Part II. We've had several happy years without Cats on Broadway (thank goodness "Now and Forever" was just a slogan), then there were those awful orange cat flaps in Central Park (fortunately they disappeared after a few weeks), but the vermin are back, and this time it's not Broadway or the Park that are affected, it's the Internet. I've become increasingly worried about the virtual cat population. The world of bloggery has been infested by these creatures, and today I discovered that they are now armed and dangerous. Thanks, FARB, for your Kitten Kaboodle public safety alert. Alex has posted a lot of cat pictures in recent weeks, and I would list the links to them here, but frankly, life is too short.
12 April 2005
It's That Time of the Month Again
It's been a month since I last wrote something on here for the great reading public, so to avoid further criticism of my lack of bloggery from such prolific bloggers as FARB and Alex, and less-prolific ones such as Greg, I'm posting this piece of drivel. Er... that's it, folks. I hope you enjoyed reading. Hey, hang on, this whole typing thing is actually quite easy, and ooh, my mind is now a whirling dervish of ideas that I just want to share with all of you, no matter how bad or inane they might be. Oh, dam! Damn! Dame! I've run out of thyme.
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